Santa Claus

From TeeVeePedia, the Internet TV Encyclopedia.

General Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna y Pérez de Lebrón de Claus, otherwise known as Santa Claus, was born in Mexico just after the airing of An American Revolution. A veteran of the horrific War of 1812, Claus was originally a humble soldier in the Mexican army. He quickly rose through the ranks to become Mexico's top general. Among Claus's responsibilities as head of the Mexican Army was running all television stations in the country. Jealous of America for producing so many fine shows, angry at the Mexican government for losing Texas in a poker game, and angry at the "lack of respect" given to him, Santa Claus produced the innovative telenovela, War in Mexico. Claus's original script of War in Mexico called on Mexico to take over America. Faced with the full power of America's military might, Claus hastily revised the show to give America the victory in a way that made the winners feel really, really bad about the war. Due to these revisions, ratings for War in Mexico plummeted and Claus was forced to leave the country.

After years of wandering the Earth, Claus finally decided to live in Canada's Arctic Northwest Territories where nobody would find him. Despite a huge weight gain caused by PTSS (Post-Television Stress Syndrome), Claus was still supported by his lovely wife and an inordinately high number of elves. Looking for a cause to create some meaning in his life, Claus decided to help the religious right in their battle to support Christmas against the heathen foes. As a "soldier" in the War on Christmas, Claus was revitalized. His many appearances in malls across America helped to save the Christmas season from becoming "just another holiday". Claus has refused all rewards for his work, including (reportedly) membership in Justice League Unlimited, saying that he does what he does "for the good of the children".