President Teddy Roosevelt

From TeeVeePedia, the Internet TV Encyclopedia.

Edward Fitzgerald "Teddy" Roosevelt was the first were-bear to be POTUS, winning (with "Born Free") a special Campaign! after President William McGinley left to star in an Oliver Stone movie. During his time as POTUS he was known as the "Trustbuster" for his habit of breaking into financiers' offices and mauling them with his massive forepaws, then usually burying them to eat later.

While serving as POTUS, Roosevelt's actions revolved primarily around being led as far away as possible by stagehands with keen senses of self-preservation. Of special note was one enterprising cameraman who asserted that the Isthmus of Panama was made of "like, totally primo Italian chow"; Roosevelt spent fully eighteen months gnawing through the landmass before realizing he had been duped. It is during the aftermath of this event that Roosevelt's famed palindromic expression "Go hang a salami! I'm a lasagna hog!" was first sheepishly delivered.

After leaving office, Roosevelt's temper led him to be fired from a number of projects. An offer of the coveted role of Beorn in a live-action film of The Hobbit fell through when he savaged a director and three dwarves. After breaking the back of his son President FDR, Roosevelt finally had to be put down.

He is best known for the saying, "Speak softly to sneak up on your foes and beat them with a big stick." Link title