Major League Baseball - 2006 World Series

From TeeVeePedia, the Internet TV Encyclopedia.

In an attempt to put their entire fall lineup of shows on hiatus at the same time, Fox CEO Rupert Murdoch asked Major League Baseball to produce a sequel to the popular miniseries Major League Baseball - 1984 World Series. This new series, entitled Major League Baseball - 2006 World Series, started on October 21, 2006 and featured the Detroit Red Wings attempting to recapture the title they won two decades earlier. Their opponents were the feared but respected Cardinals of Saint Louis, a team making its debut appearance on network television.

Contents 1 About The Detroit Red Wings 2 Fox Seeking 25 Men: Send Photo To Rupert Murdoch c/o News Corporation 3 About The Cardinals Of Saint Louis 4 Episode 1: Wings Get Smoked 5 Episode 2: Killed By Kenny! 6 Episode 2½: SCOTUS Versus The Ad Council 7 Episode 3: Maggie, Red Wings Get Lost 8 Episode 3¼: The Rain Falls On The Just And The Unjust 9 Episode 4: Mighty Maggie Has Grounded Out 10 Episode 4.1: A Pregnant Pause 11 Episode 5: Ice On Fire 12 Aftermath of Major League Baseball - 2006 World Series 13 Major League Baseball - World Series 2006 Trivia 14 External Link

About The Detroit Red Wings

The Red Wings were led by the former captain of the Irish women's cricket team, Maggie O'Dornyez, whose home run clinched the America's Cup series against the Oakland Ass. Despite her new-found fame, Maggie insisted that she was "just one of the boys, especially in the shower room." Other information on the team is unavailable, as ESPN was unable to show any of their games during the regular season, due to their unbreakable 99-year contract with the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox. The Red Wings dedicated the Series to former team captain Steve Yzerman, who led them to their 1984 victory.

Fox Seeking 25 Men: Send Photo To Rupert Murdoch c/o News Corporation

To find a worthy opponent for the Red Wings, open casting calls were held in Hollywood, using the judges from American Idol. A club from New York City was bounced after Simon Cowell said they had "dreadful pitching"; a team representing a far-away land called "Minnesota" failed the make the cut after confusing Paula Abdul, who said, "You're called the Twins, but there's 25 of you, and you don't all look alike! Does anyone here want to have sex with me?" The Chicago Cubs also auditioned, which caused Randy Jackson to shout, "Yo, dawgs! You my homies, y'all ai-right, yo!" No one could figure out what the hell he meant, though, so the Cubs were also eliminated. Even the Red Wings' old 1984 foe, Los Padres El San Diego, showed up for the audition, sponsored by Mike's Pizza. Eventually, a faith-based group called the Cardinals of Saint Louis were selected as the Red Wings' opponent.

About The Cardinals Of Saint Louis

Founded by Billy Graham early in the 19th century, the Cardinals are one of the oldest known baseball teams in America. Many of the country's best known religious figures have made appearances on the Cardinal roster. Until recently, the team never played on Sundays due to their religious beliefs. In an effort to expand the Cardinals reach to the faithful, the team added Scientologists, Mormons, Whedonites and members of other religious faiths to its roster. As a result, the "No baseball on Sunday" rule was abandoned allowing the Cardinals to appear in 2006 World Series. Managed by Reverend Tony La Russa, the team actively seeks the help of God as it strives for both baseball and spiritual victory.

Episode 1: Wings Get Smoked

After nearly a week of partying in downtown Detroit, the Red Wings were in no condition to play and thus lost to the Cardinals, 7-2. Maggie O'Dornyez hit two home runs and made several great plays, but couldn't rally her hung-over teammates. About 3 minutes after the game's conclusion several Internet sites sprang up demanding the firing of Red Wings coach Jim Leyland, who before 2006 World Series was best known as the "Marlboro Man" on the cult television series The X-Files. Most fans, however, didn't care about the Red Wings loss due to their drunken condition and supreme overconfidence.

Episode 2: Killed By Kenny!

In the second episode, after most of the Red Wings had sobered up (no doubt helped by the sub-zero weather in Detroit), popular country singer Kenny Rogers was invited to throw out the first pitch. Apparently, Rogers misunderstood and went to the mound to actually pitch in the game for Detroit. After nearly being tossed out of the game in the first inning for having too much barbecue sauce stuck to his hand, Rogers pitched brilliantly, allowing just two hits in eight innings. Maggie O'Dornyez hit four big hits, including a triple, a home run, and back-to-back bitch-slappings of Fox announcers Jeannie Zelasko and that guy with the awful hair. The 3-1 victory had Red Wings fans declaring it the Best Week Ever.

Meanwhile, while Episode 2 was airing, the executive producers of the shows that Fox put on hiatus got together and filed a class-action lawsuit against News Corporation, citing breach of contract and extreme anguish and seeking damages of $77.2 billion. Normally such a lawsuit would take years to get through the American justice system; however, due to a clerical error the suit wound up going directly to the Supreme Court.

Episode 2½: SCOTUS Versus The Ad Council

In a landmark 7-2 decision rendered on October 23rd, 2006, the Supreme Court ruled that Rupert Murdoch was indeed in breach of contract and had to immediately reinstate all the shows that Fox had put on hiatus. Fox quickly scheduled a few House reruns to placate the mostly elderly Justices and went into damage control mode.

Realizing that he had to act quickly or lose the 2006 World Series viewing audience, Murdoch appealed the case to an even higher court, the Ad Council. In a brilliant legal maneuver, News Corporation's attorneys argued that the sponsors of 2006 World Series would not be happy that their advertisements had suddenly been pulled off the air. Despite the pleas of the Justices and the producers of the Fox shows, the Ad Council ruled that 2006 World Series could continue while the two sides tried to negotiate a settlement. The Red Wings and Cardinals were quickly transported to the baseball stadium in Saint Louis to prepare for Episode 3, tentatively scheduled for October 24th, 2006.

Episode 3: Maggie, Red Wings Get Lost

Realizing that the only solid player on the Detroit Red Wings was Maggie O'Dornyez, Reverend Tony La Russa invited her to a tour of the vast catacombs beneath Saint Louis Stadium. Using a ploy that usually only works on Saturday morning cartoon shows, La Russa was able to trick O'Dornyez and trap her deep underground. As a result, she didn't appear on Episode 3 of 2006 World Series at all. Leaderless and uninspired, the Red Wings lost the game to a member of the Saint Louis carpenters guild, 5-0. Even the Red Wings Cylon pitcher Joel Zoom-Zoom was useless, as he threw his usually dominating 153 MPH fastball in the general direction of Scotland. Red Wings fans, knowing that their "star" players had batting averages lower than the average October temperature in Detroit, went into a deep depression. They spent the rest of the night in their basements, drinking Jack Daniels and listening to the depressing songs of former Red Wings star Jack Morrissey on their iPods.

In sharp contrast to Detroiters, the rest of America (or at least that portion that likes to watch Fox programming) began to turn on the Detroit Red Wings and turn off 2006 World Series. Blaming the Red Wings for the pre-emption of their favorite shows, fanboys and fangirls alike began to support the Cardinals of Saint Louis. The red outfits worn by the Cardinals became hot items on Ebay, selling for higher prices than actual World Series game tickets.

Episode 3¼: The Rain Falls On The Just And The Unjust

Worried about the weather for Episode 4 of 2006 World Series, Rupert Murdoch hired Weather Channel meteorologists Stephanie Abrams & Mike Bettes to aim the cable television channel's DopplerMatic 9000 weather radar at Saint Louis Stadium to determine the forecast. Unfortunately, the DopplerMatic 9000 had the opposite effect of what Murdoch intended, causing heavy rain to fall throughout the area. Due to the new contract between Major League Baseball and its players' union (ironically signed just the day before), the Red Wings and Cardinals were not allowed to play out in the rain.

While waiting for the storm to subside, Murdoch told executives at Fox to broadcast a live feed of the Fox News Channel, which was broadcasting a marathon of The War at Home reruns. While this satisfied viewers, up in the broadcast booth tensions between Angus MacGyver and Fox play-by-play announcer Joe Buck were reaching an all-time high. With nothing to talk about but the rain, MacGyver proceeded to give a half-hour comparison between this day's storm and the big storm that (according to MacGyver) hit Chicago (or maybe Detroit) back in 1908. To keep Buck from exploding into a violent outburst, Murdoch was forced to postpone Episode 4 until Thursday, October 26th.

Episode 4: Mighty Maggie Has Grounded Out

The Detroit Red Wings received good news before Episode 4 as Maggie O'Dornyez, the only bright spot in their lineup, returned from her "vacation" in the catacombs underneath Saint Louis Stadium. Buoyed by the news, the Red Wings shot out to a quick 3-0 lead. Overconfidence soon set in, as their play soon began to resemble that of the $10,000 winners from America's Funniest Home Videos. Helped by the Red Wings mental mistakes and by the cheering of thousands of irate Fox fans, the Cardinals took a 5-4 lead over the struggling Wings with one inning left to go.

With two outs O'Dornyez came to the plate and it looked as if the Red Wings might prevail after all. The strain of escaping the catacombs and carrying the team on her back had weakened O'Dornyez, though, and she could muster no more than a weak grounder to the shortstop. The final out caused Cardinals fans to scream and cheer at sound levels usually only heard near military jets and at rock concerts. Red Wings fans acted as though Armageddon had just struck.

At this point, not only was 2006 World Series getting lower ratings than XFL Football, but now thousands of former viewers were on the streets demanding the return of 24, The Simpsons, The O.C. and practically any Fox program other than The War at Home. With ratings in Fox's target demographic approaching zero, Rupert Murdoch announced that 2006 World Series, originally set to run until Christmas, would be ending soon. In a format never seen before in sports history, the first team to win four games would be declared the winner of 2006 World Series and get a big trophy and an interview with Jeannie Zelasko as a reward. Murdoch returned to his office at News Corporation headquarters, hoping for a quick Cardinals victory (or at least no more rain).

Episode 4.1: A Pregnant Pause

As yet more foul weather covered the entire state of Missouri, the Red Wings' Maggie O'Dornyez wasn't feeling too good herself. After striking out seven times the previous night (surprising, considering she only came to bat four times) and barfing on Fox announcer Joe Buck (for which she received a ten-minute standing ovation), Maggie (and the few remaining viewers) discovered a shocking secret: she was pregnant. "Musta been a' bit slow wid da cricket bat," she said apologetically at the Red Wings mid-day press conference.

Delighted by a story line even more crass than anything on The War at Home, Fox executives agreed to let 2006 World Series air at least one more episode, with an option for an Episode Six on Saturday, or Sunday, or perhaps Veterinarian's Day. Cardinals guru Reverend Tony La Russa even helped out, by promising to send his worst pitcher, Jeff "Dream" Weaver, to the mound for Episode Five. Weaver, who has played for 146 professional baseball teams in the United States, Canada, Japan, Russia and Antarctica, had never won a game in his chequered career. Weaver, speaking to reporters, said that he would "do his best to win" and immediately tripped over a microphone cord.

Episode 5: Ice On Fire

With the temperature (along with the ratings) in St. Louis plummeting to below freezing, the Red Wings team suddenly remembered that they were supposed to be playing hockey. The team hopped on the plane and flew down to Dallas, where they defeated the Stars 4-3. With no opponent to face them, the Cardinals declared themselves the victors of 2006 World Series. The Cardinals then held a large-scale mass in Saint Louis Stadium in front of thousands of relieved viewers, who could watch their planned weekend slate of Cops and America's Most Wanted reruns.

Back in Detroit, nobody knew this because Detroit Red Wings fans, nervous and distraught, had hidden in their basements worrying about their team's unprecedented two-game losing streak. Eventually, they learned about the Cardinals of Saint Louis victory (ironically from Fox's competitor ESPN). Torches and pitchforks in hand, they headed for Joe Louis Arena, site of the first two episodes of 2006 World Series, to burn it down. When the mob reached the ballpark, they quickly learned about the delicate condition of Red Wings star Maggie O'Dornyez. The riot was quickly cancelled, and fans began a weekend-long rave party, once again declaring it the Best Week Ever.

Aftermath of Major League Baseball - 2006 World Series

After the conclusion of 2006 World Series, News Corporation executives began hearing strange noises in the company's executive suite. Investigating, they found their boss Rupert Murdoch, seething like The Incredible Hulk. Apparently, the lack of anguish in either Detroit or Missouri had affected him like a kick to the...well, you get the picture.

Eventually recovering, Murdoch groaned that the next Major League Baseball - World Series miniseries would be different. Looking to maximize fan anguish, he declared that only the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox would be eligible to play, and that it probably would be 3, 10 or even 20 years before another sequel was made. Angry, upset and hurt, Murdoch then stumbled back to his cot for a long night's rest.

Two weeks later, Fox attempted to regain lost ratings ground with 2006 Midterm Elections (a special edition of Campaign!) Alas, it was a ratings disaster. A vengeful Murdoch returned to his lair, silently planning his vengeance on all those who had wronged him....

Ironically, when Fox attempted a follow-up series in 2008, Major League Baseball - 2008 World Series, to compete against the regular edition of Campaign!, it flopped in the ratings.

Major League Baseball - World Series 2006 Trivia

• Like its predecessor Major League Baseball - 1984 World Series, 2006 World Series only lasted 5 episodes.
• Detroit Red Wings slugger Maggie O'Dornyez is believed to be the first female to star in a Major League Baseball production since the 19th century.
• Following the appearance of Kenny Rogers in Episode 2, sales of barbecue sauce in America jumped over 350%. His record sales showed no significant increase, however.
• The highly accurate throws by Detroit Red Wings pitchers during 2006 World Series were studied by NASA in an attempt to come up with new methods of launching the Space Shuttle.
• Episode 3¼, which consisted mostly of Fox announcers performing commentary on The War at Home episodes, was the highest rated episode of 2006 World Series.
• While the efforts of the Cardinals of Saint Louis to spread their gospel during 2006 World Series didn't affect most religious groups, the number of people declaring themselves Whedonites jumped alarmingly.
• Following the failure of 2006 Midterm Elections and The Rich List, Fox attempted to bring the Cardinals and Red Wings back for a sixth episode of 2006 World Series. The Red Wings declined, citing obligations to the NHL. Most of the Cardinals also declined, having gone on missions to Asia, The Middle East and South America.

External Link

TeeVeePedia founder Jimbo Wales has a large collection of fanfic on his other website, Wikipedia. One of the stories on the site is a heavily re-edited, highly fictionalized version of Major League Baseball - 2006 World Series.

Fictional account of Major League Baseball - 2006 World Series