Fastlane

From TeeVeePedia, the Internet TV Encyclopedia.

Fastlane is generally considered to be the most mysterious of all recent television shows, as it is considered the "Flying Dutchman" of programming. Originally located on the Fox network, the show has been sighted on such channels as Court TV, G4, and possibly other outlets as well. Wherever Fastlane has landed viewers have reported sighting expensive toyz, high fashion and extensive criminal activity. Considered by some the apex of coolness and by others a doorway into the maw of Hell, Fastlane may instead be a window into the souls of those few lucky (or unlucky) enough to spot it.

Original Broadcasts

Fastlane is believed to have originally appeared on Fox around the year 2002. Viewers reported spotting a mysterious program, then untitled, which contained stylish camera angles, insanely fast automobiles, and other outrageously expensive goodies. They also reported spotting several mysterious figures involved with the show. While none of these were confirmed, among those reported were at least one actor or actress from 90210; possibly Bill Paxton; maybe Dustin Diamond; and possibly Jay Mohr or some other actors. While nobody can remember anything specific about the plot of the show, it was deemed "radical" by many viewers.

However, News Corporation took an entirely different view of these spottings. The show was dubbed Fastlane by executives who realized that each episode was causing millions of dollars to vanish from Rupert Murdoch's bank account and possibly putting them on the fast lane to bankruptcy. Week after week, measures were taken to get the show off Fox. After 22 frustrating weeks, Fox executives finally succeeded by systematically planting countermeasures, known as "Project Arrested Development", into their lineup to confuse and weaken the mysterious show. Stymied, Fastlane left the Fox network in search of new territories.

Continued Sightings

In 2005, during a rare break between "Trials of the Century", Fastlane was spotted on Court TV. Stunning the few dozen elderly viewers and stay-at-home mothers who actually watch Court TV, the show won rave reviews and a loyal audience. However, the show was forced to leave the channel when Nancy Grace announced the disappearance of yet another pretty white woman. The resulting legal action caused Court TV executives to go into "Breaking News" mode, effectively cutting off airtime for Fastlane

Later that year, G4 viewers reported seeing the mysterious show. With plenty of airtime available due to the elimination of all Tech TV programming, Comcast executives were glad to see a show that fit in with its corporate philosophy. Although repeated attacks by the Attack of The Show algorithm have left Fastlane in a weakened state, spottings of the show continue on a semi-regular basis.

The Future of Fastlane

Given a reported $3 million budget per show, and the lack of corporate sponsorship, there probably isn't much hope of Fastlane becoming a regular series. Unless an organization such as the Ad Council helps it out, Fastlane will likely continue its aimless drift from channel to channel, tantalizing and infuriating television viewers for years to come.