Elisha Cuthbert

From TeeVeePedia, the Internet TV Encyclopedia.

Elisha Cuthbert is the girl next door. Except she's a porn star. And she's been kidnapped by street thugs who have been hired by a long-jowled middleman in the employ of a pair of brothers who are international terrorists and murderers. And Dennis Hopper is their dad.

But it's cool. She falls for one of her street thug kidnappers, so if you're a street thug, maybe she'll fall for you too. And she falls for the guy next door, who is very much not a porn star, so if you're very much not a porn star, maybe she'll fall for you too.

Or maybe she'll just do another spread in Maxim, which is probably also fine with you.