Credits

From TeeVeePedia, the Internet TV Encyclopedia.

Credits appear on every television show but nobody reads them. It's probably a union thing. The credits are divided into three parts by how much money the person credited makes.

Credits Of People Who Make More Money For One Episode Than You Will In Any Year Of Your Life

This includes the stars of the show and its creators, who are rolling in it and get a big and prominent credit at the opening of every show. The stars get pictures, but creators are usually unsightly. Nobody pays attention to these credits because they are fast-forwarding their TiVos through them.

Credits Of People Who Work For A Living But Are Still Far More Successful Than You

These credits come after the opening and change from episode to episode. They include the writers, directors, assorted producers and executive producers, and any guest stars who have a good agent or regular performers who aren't highly-paid enough to appear in the opening credits. Nobody pays attention to these credits because the show is going on in the background.

Credits Of Peons Who Are No More Successful Than You Except They Work On Television And You Don't

These credits appear at the end of the episode in tiny type on a black screen. They include editors, cameramen, guest stars with bad agents, staff with mysterious titles such as "grip", production assistants, cast members' assistants, cast members' butlers, etc. Nobody reads these credits because they are boring, and anyway you can't read them because their already tiny type gets squeezed into a little box making the letters completely illegible. NBC is currently working on an end credit which can be concentrated onto a pinhead.