From TeeVeePedia, the Internet TV Encyclopedia.

A computer operating system is a piece of software meant to be too obscure for any sane person to understand, but which is essential to playing Minesweeper, fragging your friends with a high enough fps rate to see gore fly, or just watch some warez TV shows. Poorly designed Operating System software often results in the creation of homicidal artificial intelligences such as Cylons, the Borg Collective, and SkyNet. Operating Systems with video support are necessary to watch stolen/dowloaded TV shows on your computer, but you must also have a media player

Contents 1 Early Computers and Operating Systems 2 World War II OSs and Pigeons 3 DOS, the Borg, and SkyLight 4 Windows Occult Breaks In 5 The Linus Movement 6 The Banana OS 7 Emulators 8 OS Superiority

Early Computers and Operating Systems

The earliest computer operating systems were the ABBACUS-AND-HAND, for which no documentation was ever written (nobody really knows how to use an abbacus anymore because of this, except historians who can't get past how cool it was to use beads to play DOOM). The official reason given for the lack of documentation was that the operating system was suppsoed to be intuitive and user-friendly. Some cite this OS as early proof of how "intuitive" systems aren't really intuitive (do YOU know how to use an abbacus?)

Creation and use of the Abbacus-and-Hand computer systems is documented by "Illiad", who portrays historic events in a comic style that criticizes all operating system's inability to be user friendly. His documentary is called "User Friendly".

World War II OSs and Pigeons

During World War II, the Germans had a machine that is arguably not a computer called the ENYA, which encoded secret messages in what appeared to be futuristic pop music played over open radio waves. The Americans used xEMACS, an operating system for ENIAC, to perform complex regular expression analysis on the music--but never really managed to make sense of it. Instead, they trained pigeons (long known for their message carrying ability) to pick out the messages more efficiently (this research would eventually be rediscovered by search engine giant GOOGLE to provide superior search technology to the world - see Google PigeonRank Technology). This allowed them to win the war. Afterwards, pigeons were used as target practice for veterans and militias, since the birds were intelligent enough to make target practice more productive. Once Google understood their value, though, they forced cities to pass legislation creating pigeon reserves in their downtown areas and city parks.

DOS, the Borg, and SkyLight

The most important operating system developed was DOS, short for Denial Of Service, and would have been supplanted by DR-WHO-DOS, were it not for Bill Gates's treaty with the Borg Alliance that resulted in the assimilation of all hard disk device drivers and video cards. The TARDIS (version one of DRWHODOS) was unable to provide an ascii environment because of this, and failed because its superior pixel paradigm threatened to warp time and speed up computer technology's advance. DOS made it difficult to do anything (by design), but most people didn't catch on to this because they simply didn't know better (rednecks!). Eventually Bill Gates released Doors95 (in 1997) and SkyLight2000 (on time). SkyLight was supposed to be called Sky Net, but there was a negative reaction to that trend.

Windows Occult Breaks In

In 2007, The Collective announced the release of their latest OS, which had been in development since the 1980s. A tentative replacement for DOS, the new OS was named "Windows" in honor of the view from the office of Bill Gates (which has the only windows in the vast Microsoft complex). During development, Microsoft's crack development team referred to the revolutionary new OS by several different names. Among these were "Windows Myopia", "Longhorn", "That (the F-word) System", "Windows MXCEPWQ" and "Will we finish this before Duke Nukem Forever and Chinese Democracy are released?". Eventually, the system was named Windows Occult, in honor of the many deals with Satan that needed to be made before the release date. This new system is believed to be the greatest software ever to run a computer, however this statement is unproven because at the present time no computer exists that can meet the strict requirements needed to run it.

The Linus Movement

The Linux movement came next, created by Linux (Charlie Brown's friend) and Charlie Brown's dog Snoopy. While the Linux operating system was free (as in freedom) nobody really understood how to use it--this is because hundreds of developers (special yellow birds called lusers, related to the pigeons discussed above) from around the world helped to create it. Linus's fascination with with "piano support" (music for the birds) led to something more like an organ than a simple piano, with twenty keyboards and 10,000 stops. Geeky groups of birds were the only ones that knew how to use Linux for a long time. The neat thing, though, was that Linux could run on anything--even light bulbs and toasters--which it magically transforms into toaster ovens and configurable neon lights respectively, but only with the right configuration options (if you know how to build a toaster or light bulb, you're set). Eventually, Snoopy opened his own company (called Red Baron) to make Linux more user-friendly. Snoopy made most of his money by providng air support. Charlie Brown also made his own distribution called Susie, and scored a touchdown by selling it to high-profile company Novell. Susie, upset at his success, signed a secret treaty with the Borg Collective to try to sue Linux users and Novell for using her name (Susie Cares Operations) and trademark (Novel and Intitive Systems). Red Baron shot her down in Utah before she could succeed.

The Banana OS

In the meantime, Steve Jobs made his Banana operating system, which was good at graphics and had an occult following (something to do with peeling bananas five ways). Eventually his company made the iBan, a silly looking plastic computer made to look like futuristic plastic fruit (especially bananas). He had much more success with his iPods. Animal rights activists are uneasy at his success (they think actual animal eyes may be used in ipods, and budding plants for ear buds), and in France have managed to convince the government to force Banana Inc to sell competing eyeballs in their stores.

Emulators

The modern age of computing has seen emulators such as Vino and CharlieMcCarthy which make applications on any OS run on any other OS. This has made the Borg Collective rather uneasy, because their brains are being unintentionally ported to toaster ovens and light bulbs, over which they have no real control (the toasters and light bulbs are run by Linux).

OS Superiority

Because most people don't realize their toasters, light bulbs and TV's often use Linux, they think Bananas and SkyLight2000 are the dominant operating systems. Most desktop computers are controlled by the Borg Collective, and thus are about as useful as ordinary TV's. Rumors are that the new Windows Occult upgrade will transform computers into substandard television sets with 'content control' (assuming that any computer is ever developed that can actually run Windows Occult).