Bob Ross

From TeeVeePedia, the Internet TV Encyclopedia.

Bob Ross (October 1066 - July 1995) was host of the PBS show The Joy of Painting. He was also a sniper in Vietnam and fought alongside King Henry V at the Battle of Agincourt. He had the unique ability of creating any color of paint using a mixture of water, ox blood, and burnt sienna. His works are currently on display in the Lourve under heavy guard. It is also important to note that there are only four known things in the world that can repel magic spells from master sorceror and 16th level dark necromancer Doug Henning: the beard of Chuck Norris, the chin of Bruce Campbell, the squint of Marc Singer, and Bob's own afro.

Bob's Downward Spiral Into Luncacy

Many wrongly conclude that Bob's nonsense about painting "happy little trees", "lonely old bushes", and "giggling clouds" comes from his opium habit during his 53 year stint as an army Ranger in Vietnam. In truth, his madness comes from his afro, as Bob is the product of several thousand years of royal Egyptian inbreeding. It must be noted that because of the dynamic forces in play, only his afro is Egyptian. The rest of him is as white as Wayne Brady.

Bob was in complete control though during his tour of Vietnam. Racking up an impressive 42,805 confirmed kills, he also traveled to Cambodia where he single-handedly laid waste to an entire Cambodian village simply so he could "paint them a better place to live". Heard over the cries of pain of those still alive in the mass burial pit was Bob's now legendary phrase "isn't that...refreshing?"

Death?

Bob Ross was rumored to have died on July 4th, 1995 yet no one has ever seen his body. Legends abound about grade school children working on their 3rd grade art assignment going to bed frustrated at their inability to create, only to wake up the next morning to a large mountainscape painting on their dining room table. Closer inspection of these works show just the faintest images of a smile nestled in the base of the bushes and trees.

Bob's afro is currently on display at the Smithsonian Institute in Washington, D.C. The old folk will tell you that one day when the trees are sad and the ocean is depressed, Bob Ross will return, reclaim his afro by brute force, and repaint the world into a happy place.