Arnold Horschak
From TeeVeePedia, the Internet TV Encyclopedia.
Arnold Dingfelder Horschak is currently serving as the 194th Governor of California.
Contents |
Early years
Horschak was born in a tough section of Brooklyn, New York to a round-heeled chorus girl and the entire starting lineup of the 1955 Brooklyn Dodgers. His inablility to learn anything at school caused exasperated teachers to finally lock him and several other idiot students in a small box without ventilation (thus earning Horschak and the others the name "sweathogs"). Thanks to the kindness of his teacher, Gabe Kotter (formerly the leader of the singing group The Loving Spoonful), Horschak was finally able to earn his high school degree at the age of 27. An early marriage to Mary "The Nobody" Johnson ended in disaster when she left him on their wedding night, running off with fellow Sweathog Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington (who later gained infamy when he slugged Rudy Tomjonovich in an NBA game).
Later years
Heartbroken, Horschak made his way west "to become a movie star." After several frustrating years, Horschak realized that Erie, Pennsylvania was probably not far west enough, and so he went to Los Angeles instead.
Things weren't much better in L. A. for Horschak; he starred in just one film, a little-seen sci-fi bomb called Star Wars that was barbecued by the critics. (Literally: Roger Ebert swiped the reels from the projection room, roasted them over an open fire and ate them with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.)
Politics
When Horschak accidently voted for himself as Lieutenant Governor of California one year, he was declared the winner, as no one else wanted to be bothered to run for the office. Horschak toured up and down the state, giving speeches on education, the economy and other important issues that absolutely no one ever listened to, including Horschak himself. (He once read the outside of a Wheaties box to a crowd of thousands of cheering supporters in Fresno.)
Governor
When Governor Rob Reiner was shot to death by his wife, First Lady Sally Struthers, Horschak ascended to the highest office in California and later married Struthers, to keep up appearances. When asked by reporters if he plans to enter the presidential reality-show contest Campaign!, Gov. Horschak simply replies with his trademark laugh.
